Half-Empty

Today was a waste
I'm feat-less
That means I'm footless
To get to you
I would walk a thousand miles
That means I'm mindless
Because I realize on the path
I don't know where I'm going

Goal Oriented
In a direction unknown
In a world above my own
The clouds I see are below me
The water up above me
Come from her tears
The puddles forming
Slowly drip
drip
drip
Into the hollow
Where you both lay
Lawless
I'm so jealous of you
Envious
You're so perfect
Flawless
My mirrored reflection doesn't show back
Haunted
Internal decay of motivation
Soulless
I'm looking for you
Nook-less, I have no one to turn to
But...

You

...Fill me up again.

Doom's Day

Mercy would be too sweet
Kill me, I plead
Not that you could
You're inadequate.
inanimate.

Mercy would be too kind
Just blow me out of my mind
Guilty pleasure of agony
Too much for me
incomplete.

Mercy would be too easy
My pain brings you ectasy
Ticking mind time bomb
Try doing it again
explode.

Russian Roulette

Oh, a headache
Delicious atrophy of the mind
Give me the pain,
Oh, you're too kind

Painkiller
None of those, please
Pleasure
I take my pain with ease

I'm scared to sleep
She died of an aneurysm
She took a nap
She did not know
She'd never come back

I barely knew her, yet I feel a loss
I knew him, he was mine
I know what its like.
My boyfriend, a drive-by,
the perfect shot.

Give me one of those
Painkillers?
No, I told you,
I take it with ease
Please.

Just give me one of those shots.
Good night.

Volver

Look at me, here...sit with me a minute. Listen.
Its not like I didn't try, I don't know how you could not
I missed the point, the instruction
Maybe it wasn't there, maybe I was too busy
Maybe I'm preoccupied, maybe I'm depressed.

He died almost five years ago now. Its been too long since
I've seen his face. Memories make it worse
Maybe I remember him how I want, not how he was.
He's been dead for five, gone for six.
He moved. I didn't want him to, I begged.

I can't even go to his grave. It's across the country.
He loved me like no one else I know
I loved him - I haven't felt the same since
That phone call. "Shit he's hit...baby forgive me,
I love you, but I'm not gunna make it back to where i want"

Give him back to me. What the hell happened. Stop playing
You're real? What. Ambulance. Police. Coroners. Hospital.
Cause of death. Time, Date. Birth. Name. Phone calls.

Funeral. I didn't attend. I think a part of me left me to find him
I don't even know where it is. Its name.
I can't even recall the fight. The one fight. I remember the
Feeling. My heart was breaking - it knew what would
Happen the rest of the night. I don't think I cried so much
In my life.

Give him back to me. Take me instead of him. Fait Accompli.
It's been done. Too late. You should have apologized. It wouldn't
Matter. I don't even know if he still heard me during
That last phone call. "What are you talking about? I love you
Too...No, come back to me. Love you, don't be like that.
Make it back for me. Can you do that, please? I'm sorry...Oh my god,
Put him back on...Put him back on!!

...What do you mean 'he's gone'?"

QuestionMarks the Key

Separate.
Divulge.
Pull apart the massless pulp
Veins, arteries. It doesn't matter
Blood pumped through there
Blood flowed through here
The open spaces only signify
What once was.

This empty vessel
Holds the Secret of Life
This empty vessel
Holds the Secret of Death
One single cut could kill you
Four grafted vessels could save you
Its all the same.
We all end up running out of something.

Time.
Repetition.
A circular rhythm
Let go of your emotions
Dictated by that massless bundle
That is the Secret.
But which one ?

Capitulated in a Capsule

My jeans around my ankles
As I fall to the floor
Give me that medicine
I can't take anymore.

I'm addicted can't you see
Your fucking drugs
Have made me

I'm losing control of inside me
The pills make it feel better
Just pop another, it's okay
I swear it feels so good, it lets me live another day

I guess it's my fault for listening to you
"Take these whenever you need to"
I get 4 refills for 200 pills each
In two separate bottles
That's too much, I was eighteen.

Willed myself off of them,
But now every time I feel weak
I know exactly what I can do to restore my peak.
Hide them, throw them away
It doesn't matter, the anxiety stays

Keep me coming back
Fucking prescription drugs
From doctors and nurses who lack
They can't see
I have agency

Retarded. I'd rather die, than live a lie
That I'm okay.
Can't you see? It's me. That pill in the bottle?
Yeah, that one on the shelf.
That's me.

How can that be? I broke down at night
Again, and again. Again, and again.
Where were you when I was alright?
I can't remember me without this pain
Unless I take 40mg five times a day

Understand. I don't want to be this way
The cure is coming soon...
My refills are out.

Childish.

i hate being civil
lemme pistol whip you
pick you sift you dip you
off in a deep dark cave
crevices
where your body lays
ocean spray
green moss mold away
body decay
mind replay
you wish you could remember every word i say
gun smoke medley is my remedy
hate you for testing me
now i see where my mind can be
dark seed of what eyes can't see
reap
my benefits
sow
my limits
inconsiderate.